Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
