She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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