this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
