True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize