I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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