I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize