remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
