when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
