Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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