So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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