my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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