I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
