look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
