Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
