Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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