he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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