She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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