Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
