When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize