I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
