I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
