do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you win again, gameday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
