I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
