My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
