His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize