Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
