I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
