you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
