I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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