he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She bit a glass in half.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
