great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
