Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
