I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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