For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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