They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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