she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I deserve this hangover.
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