Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
3pm strippers are depressing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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