dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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