haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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