It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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