12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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