Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
