He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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