I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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