I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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