Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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