My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
