On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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