If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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