I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
