grandma shit on top of the toilet
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
