We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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