I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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