my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
