I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize