what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize