i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
