i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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