There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize