And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
