I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
