we have pet lesbian snakes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
