I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize