I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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