I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want her autograph on my taint
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
