dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
