Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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