According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
