how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
