Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
