can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
