I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
