the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
