remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
