You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
