my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am one with the molecules
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize