Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
