Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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