Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can i not drive my cunt home
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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