hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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