tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
