toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
