Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
