um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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