oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
