are you still at the devil's house?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
