Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
