I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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