sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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