I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
