tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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